Working or Staying at Home Mom -the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

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The following is a guest post from my fellow Mom blogger, Alicja.  Be sure to visit her blog at JustRedefine.com.  Thanks for contributing Alicja!

Introduction

Hello working Mamas! Since you don’t know me yet, I’d love to introduce myself. I am blogging at JustRedefine.com and I started this blog as a representation of my life mission: Support Moms.

I have three kids and an amazing, supportive husband. Thanks to them, I am able to fight for the sanity of every mama I meet. I focus on moms’ mindset. I teach wonderful, a bit lost women who are responsible for other little humans, how to not get crazy in everyday chaos.

I don’t want you to get bored right at the beginning of this post, so let me just tell you a story, that will hopefully inspire you to think better about your own life.

Once upon a time…

Please imagine a girl in her late twenties, living a peaceful life with her husband and sweet baby boy. After she had graduated, she invested in building the family life, but after some time she started to think about going to work.

Working mom

As the saying goes, she believed she could, so she did! She liked to work, being around people, being responsible for various projects and coming back home to her family she missed the whole day.

She was building her resume, while really having fun at work. Her son was doing very well in a daycare and that fact made her so proud. Her husband made figuring out their schedules as doable as possible. She felt she’s having it all!

After a year passed in the life of this working mom, she quite suddenly got a mind-blowing information: She’s moving across the ocean.

Can you imagine changing your whole life like that?

In the next 6 months she, her husband and son left the country, the continent. Back there stayed their families, jobs they knew, the life they knew, the first apartment they loved.

New chapter

Our hero of the story was never an optimist really, but she tried in this situation. She used all her knowledge (did I mentioned she studied psychology?) to work on her mindset a lot, she stayed positive. She saw the opportunity in this new situation.

Stay at home mom

New beginnings are not always easy, but they can be if you make them. Does it make sense? There was no option for our girl to work in the new place in the beginning so now she was a stay at home mom.

As I said, she wanted to make this work, so she did the effort. She was quite excited to be a stay at home mom for some time. She could explore the new place with her little boy. Do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

Actually, let’s list the positive changes she hoped for:

  • Being with her precious child all the time – priceless!
  • Free time to decorate the new apartment.
  • Time for trips and adventures, reading books, learning new stuff. Time for everything!
  • No more waking up at horrible morning hours, doing make-up while dressing up and eating breakfasts always in the rush.

Sounds like a dream, doesn’t it? Well, it was like that for some time.

But soon, she wasn’t in the mood for adventures. She wasn’t in the mood for anything. Bonding with the little one was awesome, but besides that… well, how many dinners can you cook, how many dishes can you wash, how frustrated can you get because of picking up the toys, the clothes and so on before you go crazy?

But somewhere deep inside she knew she’s the strong one. Plus, she knew motherhood was and still is her calling. This lovely couple decided to try for another baby. And they were heard up in Heavens. Soon she was pregnant.

The twist

Everything changed again. So excited, so happy, she lifted herself up. Another new beginning!

What is more, incredible opportunity happened when she was 7 months pregnant – she got a job, part-time in the late afternoons, flexible hours, even with possibility to bring the baby for feedings! Another dream!

Working mom of two

Was it easy for our mommy? No. But something exciting was finally happening. She was in rush again, she was needed at home with two gorgeous boys now, but at the same time she was around people at work, appreciated for what she was doing.

It was so exciting to schedule every day, to decide who will stay with kids when. Having new routines, new responsibilities made every day interesting again.

So, what was she looking for at that moment:

  • Spending every moment at home with her boys,
  • Spending every moment at work giving her best,
  • And… there was no time for anything else.

Are you still with me?

Think about your own situation, about your family. Have you ever made a pros and cons list of being a stay at home mom or working mom?

If you’re a working mom, do you think you’re missing out on limited family time? If you’re working as a homemaker (a sahm name is just not giving “the position” its justice, isn’t it?), do you feel guilty all the time you have a thought about wanting something “more”?

I want you to know it’s all natural and you should not feel you’re a bad mom!

I’ll summarize the rest of the story for you really quick:

Now, our mama is over-the-moon-happy being a mom of three. She’s staying at home again, preparing herself for a new role:

Working at home mom

It changes everything, right? What can she expect?

  • Working while having an eye on kids,
  • No rush, (no pants!) but still having contact with the world outside
  • Additional income

Of course, she’s not naïve, she knows it will be stressful. Organizing schedules for both parents and the boys while taking care of the baby girl will be hard alone, not to mention adding cooking, cleaning and what not.

But she’s ready. And it’s worth it. Watching kids growing up and developing herself on every level. She’s worth it.

Choosing one

Your life is made of decisions. And those decisions are hardly ever easy. Just as the mom in the story who felt every next option will be better, you probably have days when you wish you were in the other role.

Because grass is always greener on the other side. No matter what abbreviation you chose, sahm, wahm, wohm (working outside home mom), you are still a mom.

Your life will be stressful. And beautiful. Chaos is the best word for everything that will go on in your house. But that’s an amazing chaos, full of laughter and dirty socks in unexpected places.

To work then or not to work?

Whatever you chose to do in your life, make it with purpose. Know WHY you’re doing it. This is the key to peace of mind.

It was surprising to me, ekhm, to the mom in the story above, that it’s not about her job or lack of it. It’s not about the career at all, or money, nor looking for self-value in the applause of others. It’s about you! The way YOU think and comprehend, what do you believe in and if it’s aligned with what you’re doing.

Also remember that when you’re a mom, your priorities are not about you only. Share with your kids what is important, be the intentional role model.

Take your time for some introspection to figure out what it is that you really want and go for it!

To learn more about mommy mindset, please visit JustRedefine.com!

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