FOOTBALL for Dummies


So, unless you’ve been living in a cave, you probably know that College football started back up last week. And the NFL season officially kicked off this past Thursday.  As to be expected, the NFL’s season started off with its continued controversy of which players are kneeling or standing.  We will NOT be getting into that here.  Nope.

Also, if you like football, follow a team, and watch the games, this post isn’t for you. We are here to explain football for dummies- for those of you Moms who are stuck watching it with little clue about what’s going on in the game, or who completely avoid the room with the game on.  For you, I’m going to give you a good primer on football.

The Basics of the Game

First, the basics. The objective of the game is to score points by moving the football all the way down the field into the opponent’s end zone for a touchdown, which is worth 6 points. Or, if they come up a little short, by kicking the ball through the uprights for a field goal, which is worth 3 points. On touchdowns, the scoring team also gets to kick for an extra point, or run another play to get into the endzone again, for two points.

There’s a lot more to explain about how the game works, but if you’ve gotten this far without knowing how football works, you probably don’t care to know any more about the game than what I just shared.

So, now it’s time to learn the important stuff.

Football Widows

First, let’s talk about what really happens on Weekends. There’s about twelve hours of college football on Saturdays, and another eleven hours or soof the NFL on Sundays.  That’s a lot of football hours.

That’s why you will hear many wives refer to themselves as football widows when the season kicks off

What does this really mean to Moms who don’t watch football?  Well, you can probably forget about watching anything you want to watch on the big TV again until January.

And, if you’re like me, and have few tv’s in the house, you will end up doing your Netflix binging on a much smaller screen.

If you’re lucky, you at least have a laptop with a wide screen to watch. But if you have kids, who like to hog the electronic devices, you might have to watch the latest episode of your favorite show on your smartphone.

Oh, and even if you have more than one tv in the house, sometimes the guys will hog more than one on game days.  My coworker’s husband actually has two TVs set up in the living room during the entire football season.  She’s not exactly thrilled.

Now, for some of you, this next item might not sound so bad. But don’t expect to see much of your husband during football season.  In my old house, where the big screen was up on the third floor, I could go an entire day, or longer, without seeing him. One year, towards the end of the season when the playoffs were getting close, and things were really on the line for some teams, I think he literally did not leave that room for three days.

And it’s amazing how much more I can get done without him getting in my way.

Fantasy Football

Do you remember what happened in 1962?

Since none of us were alive then, you probably don’t.  Even if you’re good at history, you’re probably thinking- what the hell happened in 1962?

According to Wikipedia, that’s when fantasy football was invented.

If it’s not bad enough that your husband’s glued to the tv for eight hours at a time during the weekend’s, someone invented a side game that can occupy the other five days of his week with football.

Don’t know what fantasy football is?  Each fantasy football player has a team, made up of various players from the NFL.  So, if your player scores a touchdown in the real game, you get the points in your fantasy game.

On the weekdays between football weekends, your husband will be busy checking how his players did, or if someone had an injury, busy working up a trade to replace him in their lineup.

If you’re husband’s the competitive type, he could end up spending a lot of time on this.

Yes, after wasting endless hours watching games on weekends, if your husband plays fantasy football, he’ll devote all of his free time during the week to football too.

You know how the maintenance list or Honey-Do list for around the house can get start to get long?  I think my friend’s home almost got condemned so many things got put off because of football.

Maybe not literally, but that’s how she felt.

The Super Bowl

But wait, it’s not all doom and gloom.  After months of trudging through all of this, we are rewarded at the end of the NFL season with the best thing a non-football fan could ever ask for in football- the Super Bowl!

This is when all of the non-football loving people will actually watch football with their friends and loved ones.  You can pretend to be a fan, and pick one of the football teams to root for, just make sure you root for the hometown team if they’re playing.

This is also the game where advertisers spend at least $3 million per 30-second spot, and try to have the best commercials ever.  Or some of the most expensive flops ever.

And I can’t leave out the half-time show, and the excitement it can bring.  Who can ever forget Janet Jackson’s boob popping out, I mean wardrobe malfunction, during that one halftime show?

There’s always the food at the Superbowl party to look forward to as well. When everyone can now show off all of those Pinterest recipes they’ve been hoarding year-round.  You know the recipes, snack trays designed to look like football fields, and baked treats shaped like footballs.

Just when you’ve started to get into stride working off all of those holiday calories, football comes along and gives you the diet buster you didn’t need.

Football for Dummies

After all this, you’d think I’m not a very big fan of football.  But I’m not going to lie, I actually like the game.  I don’t get into college ball as much as my husband, but I grew up watching NFL games with my Dad.  And it stuck.

I don’t watch every game on Sundays, but I do watch when my team, the Dallas Cowboys, play. And I’m no expert on the rules, but I’ve even played fantasy football on occasion.

But I also have lots of friends who don’t watch it, friends who’d probably say football is for Dummies. And for all of the reasons above, I get where they’re coming from.

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