That Ever Elusive Four Letter Word


It’s amazing how certain things evolve in importance during our life.  Brittany has some thoughts on this particular one-

I remember when I was young, I hated, hated, HATED to go to sleep. Just like every other kid I have ever met, I wanted to be awake and going and doing and seeing at all times!

My mom would always say that I needed to get some rest so I could be energized for the next day. But I always felt like I had plenty of energy, and rest was not a word I wanted in my vocabulary. I didn’t want to miss anything.

But as I got older, I started to realize the amazing, wonderful and truly beautiful qualities of REST.

In my preteen and teen years, I loved sleep. I didn’t want to get up in the mornings. Nap time was anytime I could fit it in. I could sleep in a room full of people. I could sleep with the tv blaring. I could sleep with people dancing in circles around me. Hell, I could even sleep standing up if I had to. I absolutely loved to sleep, relax and just rest.


Once I found out I was pregnant, all that sleep and rest nonsense went straight out the window. Actually, I did get some rest during my first trimester or so. I was fairly young when I got pregnant with my first son, and I was going to school and working on top of being pregnant, and I think the exhaustion just kind of took over. But once my belly started growing and D-day (delivery day…not doomsday) got closer, rest just wasn’t possible anymore.

You always hear the warnings about not being able to relax or sleep once a baby comes, but no one ever told me that it starts BEFORE the baby is even born. As my belly grew, so did my lack of comfort. Getting comfortable anywhere was damn near impossible. My back hurt, my feet hurt, my belly was always in the way. Laying on my side was uncomfortable. Laying on my back made me feel like my insides were being smashed. Laying on my stomach wasn’t possible. I was too hot. I was too cold, I needed ten pillows propping up different parts of my body, and I would still toss and turn.

Not to mention when he started kicking. He would stick his little foot or hand right under my ribs and just keep it there. He would kick so hard that my whole belly would move and people across the room could see it. Plus, he loved to do a little dance on my bladder periodically. Getting up to pee every ten to 15 minutes is not conducive to resting.

And not only did the physical changes start to mess with me, but so did the emotional and hormonal changes. I was stressed, frustrated, happy, sad, overwhelmed and scared to death all at once. Every time I tried to lay down, 150 million things would run through my mind and it would keep me awake for hours.

After Babies

It just got worse after I had kids. I wasn’t hormonal or abnormally shaped anymore, but getting comfortable or resting was still not possible. I still had school and work. I was up every two hours catering to a tiny crying human. Bottles, diaper changes, breathing treatments, finding pacifiers. Sponge baths because they burst out of their diaper.

When they got older, it changed. But not really.

The bottles, pacifiers and diapers were gone. But in their place came something equally exhausting. Now I have hour long searches for a stuffed dog at bedtime. I have to deal with nightmares and night terrors. I have kids sneaking in my bed in the middle of the night. And even though they are so little, they take up the entire king size bed. They do some kind of crazy death roll and wrap up in every bit of blankets on the bed. I wake up with feet in my face or a child draped over my body. I wake up covered in pee and have to clean them up, change their clothes, do the same to myself, and change the sheets. Then I get everyone back to sleep and get back in bed just in time for the alarm to go off.


Rest went from my mortal enemy, to my best friend, to an elusive four letter word with a completely different meaning now. Rest has many definitions. “The refreshing quiet or repose of sleep.”  “A period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude, or tranquillity.” There are many more but none of those are what rest means to me anymore.

To me, it is Relentless Exhaustion Stress & Tears! All I want is some sleep!!!

Do you have the same struggles or am I alone in this? Let us know in the comments!!

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